We are the girls with anxiety disorders, filled appointment books, five-year plans. We take ourselves very, very seriously. We are the peacemakers, the do-gooders, the givers, the savers. We are on time, overly prepared, well read, and witty, intellectually curious, always moving … We pride ourselves on getting as little sleep as possible and thrive on self-deprivation. We drink coffee, a lot of it. We are on birth control, Prozac, and multivitamins … We are relentless, judgmental with ourselves, and forgiving to others. We never want to be as passive-aggressive are our mothers, never want to marry men as uninspired as our fathers … We are the daughters of the feminists who said, “You can be anything,” and we heard, “You have to be everything.
These grave markers — pressed up against either side of an imposing wall, with a pair of clasped hands reaching over the wall’s top — date to a time in Dutch history when Catholic and Protestant graves were strictly segregated. A Catholic and a Protestant married couple, separated in death, arranged for this unique workaround in order to rejoin one another
I’m here with Snap Clawson, a local lake resident, to speak about this weekend’s tragic events. Mr. Clawson?
WELL, LIKE I SAID, IT’S SHOCKING, AND OBVIOUSLY ANY SENSIBLE CRUSTACEAN HOPES SOMETHING LIKE THAT NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN, BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY IT’S NOT ABOUT ME AT ALL AND I THINK OFFERING MY UNSOLICITED OPINION, EVEN JUST SOME ROTE OUTPOURING OF PRAYER OR CONDOLENCES, ONLY CONTRIBUTES TO THE PROFOUND NARCISSISM OF THE MODERN AGE. IN A TIME OF SENSELESS TRAGEDY I THINK IT’S BEST TO JUST GO HOME, TURN OFF THE COMPUTER OR THE TV AND REFLECT ON THE EVENTS FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS WHILE PROFESSIONALS GATHER ACTUAL FACTS, INSTEAD OF IMMEDIATELY TOSSING YOUR TWO CENTS IN THE RING OR CLIMBING UP ON A SOAPBOX. I’M NO EXPERT … ON ANYTHING REALLY … AND I THINK THE WHOLE SITUATION AND THE WAY IT’S HANDLED SHOULD BE ABOUT THE FAMILIES, WHO PROBABLY JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE IN THEIR GRIEF RATHER THAN BOMBARDED WITH POINTLESSLY HORRIFIC NEWSCASTS OR INTERNET MEMES THAT WON’T DO ANYTHING TO BRING BACK THEIR LOVED ONES. IT JUST SEEMS MORE RESPECTFUL TO STAY QUIET AND GET TO WORK ON CHANGING THE LEGISLATURE OR THE CULTURE THROUGH LEGITIMATE ACTION RATHER THAN MAKING BOILERPLATE FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES OR INTERVIEWS LIKE THIS ONE.
THAT BEING SAID, I DO HOPE THAT FISHERMAN ROTS IN HELL.
Indeed. Thanks so much for that exceedingly rare opinion. Back to you, Jim.